Light Bulb

Hi friends.

In an interview a few weeks ago I was asked about this newsletter and I said, “I’m really coming out as middle-aged this year,” and it was a joke, a line, a bit that I was doing, but on the other hand it was absolutely true.

Then I was talking with a pal last week about speaking about menopause to other people. Like actually uttering the words out loud. How weird it still was to hear myself say it. To publicly explain myself in that way. Usually when I talk about myself it’s about being a writer or living in New Orleans or about my dog. So it has been new this past year, to say those words—“I’m menopausal”—out into the air.

I said to her, “Seventy-five percent of the time it feels great that I’m doing it but there’s still this weird twenty-five percent of me that’s like, you’re not supposed to talk about it.” Because it’s a reflection that you’re aging or unattractive or not sexy anymore and obviously this is the fucking patriarchy in my head! Like let’s just call that twenty-five percent the patriarchy! I know it, you know it. But still it’s there. So dumb.

What is your comfort level with discussing where you’re at in your life in terms of aging and all the physical and emotional changes that come along with it? Does it matter to you to talk about it? Does it help you or pain you to say it out loud?

I guess it matters to me a lot because I started writing these letters to you. I guess I’m trying to claim it. I guess I’m trying to understand it. What could I gain from it? I don’t know if I’ll really know until this is all over. But I’ll tell you one little story that made me feel like I was headed in the right direction.